A Friendship's Journey

The down side of solitary contemplation is that your mind cruelly chooses to rummage into recesses that you particularly don’t wish to revisit. And so mine did today. I’ve been thinking about sharing this on my blog but hesitated many a time because I felt it too melancholy a memory and yet I need to unburden these thoughts and feelings. (What I would give for a pensieve.) And so I am sharing now. Be forewarned that this is going to be a long, long entry. Sit back, relax and put your voyeur mode in gear ;p

A few weeks before N got married last year, I met up with him for dinner, my treat, as a sort of last farewell. I made up a little booklet for him which recorded the journey of our friendship over the years. I gave it to him at the end of the meal and told him to open it at home. I guess I needed the closure and I felt that I wanted to share with him the experience from my point of view.

On the way back, we took the same bus because I decided to go to Saz’s place. (Didn’t want to be alone during the aftermath). Well to be honest, neither did I want to part ways too quickly. I was trying to prolong the moment, the point at which I had to let go. On the upper deck of no. 14, we sat, small talk, as I felt the gradual weight of the finality of our friendship descend upon me. And as we said goodbye, the end for me was too real.

His SMS to me later that night… (Yes I still have it in my inbox!)

“U never failed to impress & surprise me with all these stuff. I’ve 2 admit tt u r gd in doing these things & i really appreciate it. D compilation just bring back d gd old days which make me cry. Thk u 4 d gift…..”

In turn, I was touched by those words. Again, enough to qualify the friendship we had.

I miss him still when I am tired and lost.
But time will let me let go somehow.


******* A Friendship’s Journey ********

“Friendship is never established as an understood relation.
It is a miracle which requires constant proofs.
It is an exercise of the purest imagination
And of the rarest faith…”

Henry David Thoreau

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Once upon a time, a girl and a boy met.
At a college on top of a hill in eastern Singapore.
She was told that he was someone to look out for.
But when her friends and her encountered him, he did what he did best.
He ran.
When she did get to speak to him…
Her first thought of him was, “He’s so shy!”
It became a challenge.
To get to know him.
And she did.

And so nearly two years went by.
Passing each other along the corridors, short greetings and hellos.
A little help in GP, a Valentine prank and a conversation or three were early memories she had of him.
‘A’ levels came and ‘A’ levels went.
Her last glimpse of him then was when the results came out…him wearing a cap and tanned from NS.
Years flew by after that.
Different paths, different lives.
But fate had a funny way of letting them meet again.
Destiny decreed that they be friends.

On a street in December 1999 at the Ramadhan bazaar, amidst smoky clouds of barbequed meat, they came across each other.
He was with his mum and she with her other friends.
Hurried exchanges and updates.
She was glad to see him (with his braces and all) ; p and decided to include him in her Hari Raya card-giving list after some agonising contemplation.
By some strange magic, he replied.
She was shocked (as he predicted).
The first telephone call came to be.

They talked quite a bit. She didn’t remember him being so chatty.
School, work and common friends talk.
They agreed to meet up for a movie and dinner that weekend.
Saturday 29 January 2000
From ‘Anna & The King’ at Woodlands to dinner at Far East and a walk to Suntec City.
It was a fascinating experience, at least for her : )
And so the story goes…

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Hey, ok I decided to end the literary historical torment for you.
Made this little booklet as a token of remembrance of our journey of friendship.
Wanted to pen down my thoughts, feelings and impressions. Also included a couple of poems I wrote inspired by you.
(Heh scared now ker dah kenyul?)
Don’t worry I’ll go easy.
So the earlier part was an intro, a pre-view.
There are many things I remember and want to say but I’ll be selective.
Ok let’s begin!


“The Man with the Child in His Eyes”

You know, I’ve always thought that you are innocent and naïve. From seventeen till now. (Well maybe not so much now he he) Not in a bad way but a good way.
You’ve always reminded me that what’s simple is true. You brought clarity in my more often than not complex life. I think I’ve been truest when I am around you or when I talk to you. It’s always you I’ve shared almost every detail of myself with. (Not even my other guy friends got that privilege a.k.a. torture)
I come to you with my over-flowing emotions, idiosyncrasies and strangeness. But you’ve dealt with all of that well.
Budak Science yang berguna after all ; )

Obviously

apple
strawberries
tomato sauce
meatballs
mineral water
braces
quizzes
lab-tests
brown eyes
endless conversations
no pretensions
obviously
you

090300 21:37

*After a Pizza Hut lunch day out with you.


I know I’ve often asked from you some sense of validation of our friendship. Probably irritated you with that, when you don’t know what to say.
The one thing you came up with was that you liked my frankness.
Weirdly enough lately, I came to realise that you never had to say anything. You may not say the right things or tell me what I want to hear but what you do, speak volumes, much more than words.
In little gestures and ways which amaze me in their suddenness and sincerity. Your asking me whether I’m ok, your advice & opinions, the way you listen. Not because of obligation or a superficial sense of duty as a friend.

7 for 1

You like me
For my frankness

For me,
It’s your simplicity
Innocence
The way you make feel safe
The way you listen
Your stories
Our chats
And how you make me want to be better
Than what I am

261204


Don’t Waste Your Tears

He sighed and told me
Don’t waste your tears
They are too precious
To indulge in that kind of behaviour

Tomorrow is a good day
Don’t think it anything else
Look for the ray of light
And superimpose it on the dark

Life is simple like that

260700 14:16

*The day after I told you all about the Love-Bug and cried in the process. Heart-felt advice.


You put things in different perspectives for me without prejudice or preaching. The way you chide without rancour or bitterness. The way you dispense your wisdom in your earnestly honest fashion.
I’ve grown accustomed to your face, your voice, your laughter, your stories and our three or four hour conversations. I will miss all that.
You once told me that you were a poor man, not financially but as a person. You undervalue your worth.
I want to tell you that I appreciate having you as a friend.
Alhamdullillah. I thank God for letting you be a part of my life. If his plan was that we had turned a different corner in our lives, you and me would never have met.

So I guess I want to say thank you for being a friend.
You did not break me nor hurt me, like my other guy friends did. Because of you, I could smile and found some sense of comfort and solace in difficult times.
Thank you for complementing my existence for however brief a period.
Thank you for just being you, a one in a million you.
I feel that I owe you many things but what all I can do for you is to pray and wish.
I wish you happiness in the years to come. I wish you find your sense of completion in whatever you do. I wish you love in all its abundance and glory.
I’ll remember the memories I have with you. So don’t you forget about me. I could not ask for more than that.

Your musuh ketat…