Last Man Standing

I am preparing myself yet again for the inevitable. My last real guy friend...the last man standing...is getting married this December. He’s been with her a few years now I guess, since 2004 thereabouts. They got engaged four or five months back. I took the event quite fine. I was happy for him and all. I was touched that he took the time to call me in person to tell me about it. (As opposed to his mass text massage to his other friends)

A few weeks back however, I started thinking more about him. He began to supersede other clamouring thoughts. I brooded over our friendship. Reflecting on how we became friends at JC, how we lost touch, how we reconnected, our conversations over lunches, dinners, movies and the telephone. It hit me hard. I was already imagining a life without him; without his unconditional presence.

I realised how much I appreciate him. He has done what others before him had not. He may not say the right words, he may not tell me things that I want or need to hear as a form of validation of what we are. But he shows it in little, obscure gestures and ways which amaze me in their suddenness, sincerity and innocence. He shows me he cares, about my day-to-day concerns, my more-often-than-not overflowing emotions, my out-of-this-world idiosyncrasies. He deals with all of it well, not because of obligation or a superficial sense of duty. The fact that he maintained contact with me despite being attached already spoke volumes.

I actually struggled painfully hard not to fall in love with him. Told him that much. It would have been so easy to do. He complements my existence. He makes me feel safe. He brings me simplicity in this complex web I call life.

Although he begs to differ, things will change as they do when he gets married. I've started counting the days till when I have to speak of him in the past tense. Sometimes I feel like savouring the time I have left of him, meet up and hang out. Yet at times I feel I should distance myself and let it go. Accept it, find some form of catharsis and move on.

In between, the desolation will set in and I will lament the unfortunate state of my lacklustre love affairs – always the girl friend but never THE girlfriend. It's like fighting a losing battle.

But who ever said love and life were easy eh?

Lusting for Chocolate

I came back from TM just now probably with my eyes glazed over with lust. I am amazed that the subliminal power of advertising still has a hold on me. I so want to get my hands on the LG Chocolate phone!!! Went around looking at mobilephones with Della. She wants to get a new one while I just plain crave for that particular one. Huge problem is that I am still on the stupid 2 year contract and only eligible for early upgrade this December.

Although it didn't really get rave reviews from tech-heads, this tech-bimbo just yearns for its stylish look sans uber tech functionality. I just want the basics: the 1.3 megapixel camera with video function, MP3 player and 128 MB memory suffices.

The sleek black body with the red lights is beckoning me...

Baking

Ok Nana's gone mad a bit. Finally got my Bakery blog up with pictures. Been busy making samples these past 2 nights. Think I've gone crossed-eyed. The pictures turned out okay seeing I am no professional and all. Didn't even have time to figure out the mechanics. (Borrowed my Kak Ngah's digicam) Just had to snap away. Gotta get me one of me own soon.

Arrrgghh now I've got to get down to clean the house before Ramadhan starts and before it becomes a temporary baking shack.

Planning...patience...perseverance...come to me!!!

Breaking

"I take just like a woman
Yes I do
And I make love just like a woman
And I ache just like a woman
But I break just like a little girl"

Nina Simone

(Cover of Bob Dylan's Just Like A Woman)