Epiphany

I had an epiphany today!

I have realised the most apt description for the work that I am doing and want to do; a perfect designation for myself.

I AM A PORTFOLIO WORKER!



“Portfolio work is a non-traditional, flexible career. Individuals contract their skills and knowledge to various clients and organisations, in effect creating a ‘portfolio’ of work activity for themselves. Portfolio work is a form of own-account self-employment.”



Ah the feeling when something just clicks into place…

Hello B1 Hello B2

I just hung up after talking to Lin or 'tortured-her-with-non-stop-meaningless-prattle' to be more precise. Usually I get that way when I'm tired. It's like the body is shutting down but the mind is on overload. I've been cleaning my house these past 2 days: living room, dining hall, kitchen, balcony, my room, Mum's room, main bathroom. Used to be when I could do all that in a day. Sigh...the older one gets...

The other possible reason for my hyper mode could also be the 4 bananas I had at Kak Ngah's place just now. I love bananas! Phallic innuendo aside, they are an instant energy booster, potassium rich, loaded with Vitamin B6 and definitely mood lifting. The main star on my super-healing foods list!!

I was humming this song (the only bits I remembered) on my way back:

Bananas in pyjamas are coming down the stairs,
Bananas in pyjamas are coming down in pairs...

God, I used to love watching B1 & B2 as well as the other characters (I think there were teddies somewhere). I think I watched it even when I was in secondary school or was it JC? Yikes. But then again...eh-oh...I loved Teletubbies too!!


B1 & B2.Ok they are kind of scary come to think.But definitely better than Barney.


My favourite Teletubbie - Po.Ain't it cute?I loved it when it said "Again...again..."

Ok I probably should go off to my own la la land now.
A dose of ISWAK before I do.

Just remember:

A BANANA A DAY KEEPS THE BLUES AWAY!!!

16 Years Gone

A Look

I co-wrote this with the 'soulmate' of mine. We were hanging out at Coffee Bean at Paya Lebar Singpost many years back and thought it would be cool to write some poetry together. He started writing a line or two and I continued and we took turns till the end. This one became like a mixed genre (war & world issues)- him and (love & emotions)- me.The words are a bit tiny. Click on it to get a bigger view. Enjoy.

Soulmate

“Soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity”

From Wikipedia

It's peculiar when you look back in your life and you remember people and relationships that you've established, maintained and lost. When it comes to guys, perhaps it can be said that I have been 'blessed' with the company of several who have taught me a lot; lessons in love, life and the human connection.

There is one who I felt to be my kindred spirit, my soulmate. If the definition above proves true, I felt that deep and natural affinity with him – for the period in my life when he was a constant presence. I felt that we related at many levels: likes and dislikes, worldview, interests and we had a perfect balance of chemistry. He came and saw me through some of the darker days in my life. Our daily squabbles and bantering became my sustenance. He made me laugh and he amazed me with his insight into my psyche.

For the longest time, somehow, it felt like my soul was adjoined to his. It was surreal, the depth of our association, at least on my part. It wasn't romantic love. (Although a few observers insisted it was, to my mortification) I don't believe that you necessarily end up with your soulmate, that he is your other half, the half whom you cannot live without. It is a connection, a link between two people. I don't quite know, even till now whether he felt it too but it was enough for me to sense it on my own. He actually once called me a sentimental freak, too much into emo and feelings. But that's me I guess.

Then I decided to move on to another job. It took me a lot to get used to not being around him. I missed him dreadfully. But time always eases everything. We are still friends, in its sparest of meaning and I still appreciate his existence. But no, I've not met anyone since then, who gave me that same feeling.

Bleach & ISWAK

Ok I am now in the middle of obsessing over 2 things. First, is the Taiwanese drama 'It Started With A Kiss', ISWAK for short. The story is based on a Japanese manga called 'Itazura na Kiss'. There's actually a Japanese dorama based on that too but I never quite managed to catch it. Story goes something like this; high school girl has a huge crush on a school boy who is a 'genius' with an IQ of 200. Said girl is in the last class and is kinda slow. In their 3rd year she plucked up the courage to give him a love letter which he didn't even take and therefore rejected her. In a twist of fate she and her dad ended up staying at his house after an earthquake wrecked her house. The episodes that follow basically develop her relationship with him.

It was heart-breaking to see the 'ke ai' Xiang Qin's devotion to the cold and aloof Zhi Shu who becomes real, a person of flesh and blood when he is with her. Loved everything about it. The songs in there complement every emotion. Here's the kiss that started the story proper.



Also finally I caught the first couple episodes of the anime called Bleach. Cyrus (my other nephew) has been bugging me to watch it saying I'd like it and fell in love with it I did. It's about spirits (Plus-es and Hollow-s) and Death Gods (Shin ni Kami). Liked the main characters:Ichigo and Rukiya of course. Soundtrack is great as well. Got a lot of catching up to do. This series started in 2004 and they've gone well over 120 episodes. Must get back to my Jap mode now!

OTAI

Met up with Nas, Hatta, Mardiana and Amran over dinner and coffee last night. We were talking about songs etc and Amran showed us his mobile wallpaper. This term OTAI was on it. He told us it meant 'old timer' or something like that; in this case referring to the old timer Malay rock bands. He proclaimed to be still a hard-core Mat.

Ok I confess. I was a once-upon-a-time Minah!!! (Minus the kental clothes and hair-do-I think!?!) Especially through my primary and secondary school days when bands like Search, Wings, XPDC, BPR (Bumiputera Rockers), Dinamik and of course May were huge. And the songs were those that you jam (read air guitar) to, with lyrics ‘yang menusuk jiwa’ ha ha ha. Then in the 90s I was into bands like Spring and Slam. (Hmmm always wondered why they had English names and as the years went by, the sillier they became like Spoon and Scoin) After the 90s, for me, I felt that the Malay rock music industry kind of went downhill. They don't make rock music like they used to.

Amran is really into May. He gave me a May ballad compilation CD as a birthday gift once. I love their ballads. I always thought that their songs reminded me of Steelheart, the US rock band. Anyways, check out one of my all-time favourites from May. Bila dia tarik, power giler!!

'Dan Lian'

I've been drowning myself in a couple of Taiwanese dramas lately in my room or 'cave' as Man calls it. Except for the daily required necessities, I've been glued to my PC, laughing and crying all by myself. (Not wholly mad but getting there)

This common thread keeps running – ‘dan lian’ or one-sided love in Mandarin. It happens to be something close to my heart seeing that it's all I've ever experienced.

“Do you know? The most special human feeling is to have a one-sided love. Nothing else has such a feeling...a one-sided love is like a flower bud...sometimes it can touch people's hearts even more. It can reach further into people's minds more than a blooming flower.”
From The Rose

When I was in my early twenties, I had a conversation with a friend. She asked me why, despite knowing that I would not be able to be with the person I liked, I still continued feeling for him. Therein was the answer...I was feeling. The whole gamut of emotions, the roller-coaster ride of highs and lows, of being sad and happy, it reminded me that I was alive.

How I felt my heart warm and how it seemed to feel full with that intangible emotion. How it seemed to be pierced with ache. How my hours were filled with random thoughts of him. All the words I read in books and songs made perfect sense when I was in that state of loving someone.

After the last one, I made the choice not to allow myself to fall for anyone else. The end of a one-sided love hurts too much especially the reality of seeing him become someone else's husband.

Lately though, I keep thinking to myself that I've been running on empty for far too long. My desiccated heart needs to be whole again. I miss going crazy over a guy. I miss the uncertainties and possibilities. I miss being in love.

Wo xiang wo xu yao ai yi ge ren.
Bu guan ta bu ke neng ye ai wo.
Bu guan wo hui tong ku ye hui shang xin.
Zhi yao wo hui de dao ai qing de gan jue.