Vestigial Emotion

Just finished watching 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin'. Nicolas Cage's Italian accent was so bad I wanted to laugh every time he opened his mouth. Well I did, several times.

A worthy quote I savoured however:

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then it subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness. It is not excitement. It is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body.

That is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. It doesn't sound very exciting does it? But it is.”

Dr. Iannis to Pellagia
Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Dune

Either by some twist of fate or very patient waiting, I finally got hold of the first three books in the Dune series from the Bedok branch library today. Dune, Dune Messiah and Children of Dune are part of the original sci-fi masterpieces of Frank Herbert.

Started on Dune and am immediately amazed by his detail and rich settings.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Litany against Fear
From Dune

Gun Kata

I cannot resist but talk about Equilibrium. This film by Kurt Wimmer was released in 2002 but I just recently watched it. The premise is simple. After World War 3, mankind or at least the men in a nation called Libria has decided to get rid of the ''disease in the heart of man''. The disease of emotion.

A new arm of the law called the Grammaton Cleric, was created ''whose sole task it is to seek out and eradicate the true source of man's inhumanity to man. His ability...to feel.'' 'Sense offenders' are processed and incinerated. Contraband (anything that can incite feeling – books, paintings, music, games) are rated EC-10 for emotional content and disposed of. Librians are expected to dose themselves twice a day with a drug called Prozium which inhibits the senses and emotion.

But the element of the movie which draws me (apart from the talented and gorgeous Christian Bale) is the fighting. The movie is rated NC-16 for violence but for me, violence in a film, when choreographed and tastefully executed, without much blood and gore just inspires somehow and well, can be kind of a turn on. No, I'm not a sadist.

''Gun-kata is a close quarters gun-based martial art. It emphasizes kata, or body positioning and movement exercises. Each kata of Gun-kata is designed for maximum efficiency in both lethal force and defense. It is of course impossible to see an oncoming bullet and dodge it, but an advanced Gun-kata practitioner, known as a Tetragrammaton Cleric or Grammaton Cleric, can put himself in the least statistically possible place to be hit at each moment of a gun fight. Gun-kata is based on a scientific analysis of bullet trajectory and range based on the mathematical possible outcomes of a gunfight.''
(www.gunkatta.com)

''Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The Gun Kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire.By the rote mastery of this art, the Cleric's firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the Gun Katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.''
(DuPont in Equilibrium)

I was really impressed with the Gun-Kata but of course I can't really make much comparison since I'm not knowledgeable about other forms. The only other one that interested me was the Capoeira.

Check out a sketched fight from the official storyboard.

Didn't want to upload the picture of the modified Berettas or Desert Eagles that were used as the Clerics' sidearm. Don't want to be accused of any t******** activity.

Catch Equilibrium if you can. Liked the story-line, the historical references, the moralistic nature of it. Wish there will be a sequel.

Here's a georgeous music video that captured all the best elements.

I Get Weak

My theme song during my crush (1988 – 1990):

I GET WEAK Belinda Carlisle

When I'm with you, I shake inside
My heart's all tangled up my tongue is tied
It's crazy
Can't walk can't talk, can't eat can't sleep
Oh I'm in love, oh I'm in deep
Cos' baby with a kiss you can strip me defenseless
With a touch I completely lose control
All that's left of my strength is a memory

Oh I get weak when I look at you
Weak when we touch
I can't speak when I look in your eyes
I get weak when you're next to me
Weak from this love
I can't speak when I look in your eyes
I get weak, I get weak

Convincing eyes persuasive lips
The helpless heart just can't resist their power
You know you've got a hold over me
You know you've got me where I want to be
Cos' lover like a wave you keep pulling me under
How I'll ever get out of this I don't know
I just know there's just no way to fight it

Oh I get weak when I look at you
Weak when we touch
I can't speak when I look in your eyes
I get weak when you're next to me
Weak from this love
I'm in deep when I look in your eyes
I get weak, I get weak

Just a kiss you can strip me defenseless
Just a touch I completely lose control
All that's left of my strength is a memory

One Who Is Aflame With Love

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~ From the television show The Wonder Years

So Saz and I had a chat last night and we were meandering down that thorny path called memory. And I remembered a boy. A tall, dark boy with large brown eyes and freckles on his nose. My adolescent heart craved him for three years.

It all came flooding back, the scenes from my little crush. I got close to him at P6. He sat in front of me. His seating partner was a quiet girl, who rarely spoke, so he always turned around to me to talk. We were friends.

When PSLE came round, he started calling me at home often. We talked about what was going to happen after, which school we would end up in and whether all of us were going to remain friends. He brought up the topic of crushes once and demanded to know who I liked. When I refused to tell him (well it WAS him!) he asked for the boy's initial. I panicked because there was only another boy with the same initial as his. I caved and told anyway. He declared it couldn't be him so assumed it was the other boy. The following day, while waiting to go sit for our Science paper, he told the boy and the three or four other kids there. Horrified, I refused to talk to him. He apologized later and I accepted after some groveling on his part.

The funny thing is, I often wondered about the possibility of him liking me. Mabel, my friend had asked him before in class when I went off to take care of a P3 class (one cheeky boy actually slapped my bum). “Would you go for Norami if she was slim?” And his answer was yes. Of course, when Mabel revealed it to me, he became obnoxious and pushed me around when we were skateboarding later that same day. (God, that was childish! The pushing bit that is) As for me, the only revealing I did was to sing Depeche Mode's 'Somebody' during my thirteenth birthday party and gazing at him all the while. Mortifying but freeing. I think I gave him one of the worst shocks of his lifetime.

He had asked me out to go for a tea-dance before. (remember this social thing hot in the 80s at CCs or somewhere or other?) But me being clueless, declined because he did not ask others to go. He came to my house with the other 'A' guy for Hari Raya when we were in Sec 1. At the end of it, as I was walking them out at the void-deck, they actually asked me, ''Don't you ever think of losing weight? You can easily get a boyfriend you know.'' I was annoyed yet perversely touched.

He was the first to break my heart, the first to make me cry, when I was fourteen.

The last time I saw my tall, dark, sweet boy was in 1993. He came for a football match. His school team against mine. We stared at each other at the bus-stop but neither came up to say hi. I still regret that. It would be nice to meet him again, now, as adults, sixteen years on and catch up on life in between.

Prozium

Wrote this today. Inspired by the movie 'Equilibrium' but with a twist.

“To feel. Cause you've never done it, you can never know it. But it's as vital as breath. And without it - without love, without anger, without sorrow – breath is just a clock ticking.”

Mary O'Brian (Sense Offender)

to

Cleric John Preston (Tetragrammaton)
From Equilibrium

Dawn

" The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you
Don't go back to sleep

You must ask for what you really want
Don't go back to sleep

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
Where the two worlds touch
The door is round and open

Don't go back to sleep "

Rumi

Half-Blood Prince & The Half-Wit

Yes, I finally have in my collection the paperback version of Book 6 in the Harry Potter series! The rain could not dampen my spirit as I walked from Paya Lebar MRT to Eunos last Sunday with the Popular plastic bag clutched in my hand and the other balancing an inadequate umbrella. (I could not bear putting it my bag for fear of it being crushed) I'll finish my Order of The Phoenix reading number 4 before I get started on it. Still gathering my “it's-there-even-if-others-don't-see-it” hidden and subliminal intimations on the H-Hr relationship. Yes, I live in my little own fictional world where the love of Harry James Potter and Hermione Jane Granger prevails!!

On a more brooding mood, I was once again asked that afternoon in a massage session, my age. Upon hearing that I was thirty, the client exclaimed, incredulously (translated), “Then how come you are doing this kind of job?”

I was stunned momentarily.

It never occurred to me before, that being a massage therapist could be viewed as a lowly or perhaps menial occupation. She then went on to raise her concerns about CPF etc. I told her I had admin jobs before but the hours were killing and my days were long. She looked at me then like I was a half-wit and said, “Well life is like that.” I disagreed and said it does not have to be lived that way. It's a choice.

I wasn't disturbed or angry. It just set me thinking, on my journey to my Half-Blood Prince, the number of times I will have similar conversations in the future. Maybe I should devise a pre-recorded elucidation of sorts.

Till the next time.
The half-wit bids you goodnight.