I have always been a fan of things Victorian. Many years back, I bought this coffee table book “On Women and Friendship – A Collection of Victorian Keepsakes and Traditions” (I know, sounds like a thesis or something!) It was uplifting poring though the book. Photos of friendship albums, gifts – locks of hair, drawings, poems etc. They fascinate me, these representations of friendships in the past. Picking up the book again recently got me to thinking about the friendships in my life.
As children and then teenagers, we begin to define and formulate what friendship is. As a child, a friend to me was someone to play with and share silly secrets with. When I hit thirteen; that was when I seriously formed the friendships I still hold on to today. The group of women friends that have gone through together all the different phases in our lives – through exams, tests, work, crushes, loves, deaths, births, tears and laughter. Lately, I’ve been thinking about these women friends of mine and what friendship is to me, at this current stage in my life.
In friendship, there is freedom – to be who you are, to accept each others imperfections, to celebrate each others’ strengths and victories, to speak without having to really measure your words, to know that you don’t have to explain anything or that you don’t need to try so hard.
My friends are my source of relief, comfort and inspiration. I go to them to seek solace, advice and understanding and to torture them with my current obsessions and talk about serious and silly inconsequential things.
There are times when I wonder whether I am a burden especially when I bring to them my woes and lamentations. When I self-talk and think, “God, even I am sick and tired of listening to myself, what about them?” So I pull back a bit, for a while but I always feel safe in the knowledge that they are there when I need them. I also question whether I have been a good friend to them. But what I do know is that I will put in effort for them and will not care much for people who do not really matter in my life. Maybe that’s harsh but it’s something I’ve learnt along the way.
Thoreau said that friendships “require constant proofs.” I believe in that. One must never take things for granted. You need to keep the spirit of it alive. It takes a lot of effort these days with work and family taking up most of our hours. It takes compromise and sometimes just plain good old fate. I know I can just call them up and arrange to meet up that day if time permits without having to stress over appointments and schedules. I appreciate their little surprises, gifts and treats. I treasure the chats and chilling out over dinner and coffee.
In this world of networking and globalization, people get to know other people and make friends so easily and quickly. For me, I am reluctant to look for new ones. I just don’t wish to make small talk or engage in ‘getting to know you’ prattle. I would rather exert my energies in strengthening the bonds with the friends I have now.
They are the ones I want to grow old with.
