Shadows

When death comes to loved ones, one can never be prepared even when we are aware that it is impending. This month so far, life for me was shadowed by two people who passed on.

My uncle, my Pak Long passed away on 10th May. He was 70. He had a toe amputated a few weeks prior to that but he was also diagnosed with terminal kidney failure at that time. I was mentally prepared but when it happened, it still hit me hard. I thanked God that I managed to see him before he left.

On the 13th, a close friend's mother passed on. I saw her at the hospital the night before and I was devastated to see how emaciated she had become. I really had to contain my emotion then. The next morning, when I received the SMS from my friend, my insides felt dull and hollow. I've known her for 13 years. I always had sleepovers at my friend’s place so I felt somewhat close to her. She introduced me to ‘Asam Pedas Ayam’ and I always loved her cooking. I loved hearing her way of talking; slow and modulated. She loved doing jigsaw and word puzzles. She was also concerned about my employment situation, urging my friend to tell me to look for a full time job. I was so touched by that. At the funeral, flashes of conversations and moments went through my mind. I could not hold back my tears.

I pray that they will have their place in heaven. I pray that we will live on, somehow, even though a little part of us inside has died with them.

"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive."
~Marcel Proust