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Two weeks or so ago, my 39 year old cousin passed on. Just that morning, I was in the kitchen enjoying the breeze drifting in, preparing fish and spaghetti for lunch and reflecting on how beautiful the day was, unsuspecting of what was to come.

When my mum conveyed the news, I could feel the warmth of my blood leaving me in a trickling rush. It was an unexpected death. And as my mum was making the calls to inform our other relatives, scenes flashed through my mind.

It was like a tape had been re-winded fifteen, maybe twenty years back and had automatically selected random snippets; a review of my life with her in it. Picnics at East Coast and Changi beach, sleepovers during the school holidays, family functions and gatherings became fleeting pictures.

Death seems to put time on hold somehow. Over the next two days, everything crawled. Inside, I was trying to deal with the fact that I was never going to hear her deep voice calling my name or share in her joy of completing her degree, regrets that I didn’t visit her more often after her discharge from hospital last March and that I didn’t get to see her in her final days.

And death, as always, reminds those who live. My mind went into overload thinking of what I have done with my own life thus far. My spiritual growth I felt has not even begun. And I was reaffirmed in the belief that every moment has to be savoured and lived deliberately.

And so…
Time will pass.

And so…
The ache will ease.

And so…
I shall remember.

Her smile, her generosity, her sacrifices.

I pray God places her in heaven amongst those whom he favours.